Truthful Thursday confessions…

In a way, egirl got co-opted and my freedom to actually say everything I felt was stripped because the person I had called my best friend discovered it along with my other blog and read daily.  Egirl also has a following I would like to be rid of, in the form of a guy I talked about in a previous post.  I love egirl, egirl is where I found me.   I haven’t deleted her yet, but I will miss her if I end up having to do so in order to rid myself of those things which cause me to feel restricted.  That said, here are the confessions I can’t reveal anywhere else:

• My best friend fell in love with me and at the moment he told me that, everything changed.  It was no longer an easy friendship and I lost my best friend.  He became needy, jealous and blocked off any level of listening and understanding.  He stopped seeing me as me and started seeing me as some goddess.  I stopped being real and became a fantasy.  And anytime the “real” me shows up, he turns into a bear.  Then he wonders why I stopped sharing things with him.
• I will admit that as I was tumbling down into the depths of my own pain, I used flirtation, flattery and subtle come ons as a way to feel better about myself.  That appears to have come back to bite me in the ass. 
• It’s not even biting me in the ass with someone I flirted with before.  It is biting me in the ass with someone who shouldn’t have any knowledge that I have flirted with anyone ever.
• I feel lost and alone.